Dear Mavis I'm compelled to write this letter
  In the hope that you may soon be getting better
  I've a feeling you should go and see a doctor
  If you haven't then you know you really oughta
  I was worried so I went to see the vicar
  But before I could confess he first confessed to be a stripper
    Dear Mavis it was very strange to see him
  So I thought I'd write and ask your opinion
  Should I grass on him, report him to the cardinal
  Or wether I should egg him on to turn professional
  If I dob on him they'll call him plastic scouser
  But the only thing the stripper wears is plastic trousers
    Mavis' opinion is all we really seek
  Mavis' opinion is all we
    Should we lie while he's still alive
  Should we lie while he's still alive
  'Cos when the vicar strips he gets away with it
    Dear Mavis thought I'd follow up my letter
  Drop a line about the fate of our poor vicar
  Very tragically his time on earth is ended
  Found him gagged and bound in stockings and suspenders
  Dear Mavis if you tell us what our thoughts are
  And I hope that they're not biased 'cos you are the vicar's daughter
    Mavis' opinion is all we really seek
  Mavis' opinion is all we
    Should we lie now that he has died
  Should we lie now that he has died
  'Cos when the vicar strips he gets away with it
    And we know him as our vicar
  And by night a part-time stripper
  And the vicar got suspended
  In his stockings and suspenders
  And he's making wine from water
  While he dresses like his daughter
  And we know that he's a rip off
  'Cos we've seen him with his kit off
    Should we lie now that he has died
  Should we lie now that he has died
  'Cos when the vicar strips he gets away with it